update

Hey! I know what a movie is...just don't like them all that much.

And as for pop culture, it's for the birds....you can have it...birds, spiders, superheros etc. Blah.

Had a good weekend, went to Mom's house in CA...the extra travel made the weekend even shorter than usual. Mom is doing well, her garden is abundent and all the animals are happy.

foa

Last ditch point effort.

Cocoa and I spent a lot of time at the dog park today. Because she is a dog and likes other dogs, I figured it would be fun for her.

I'm excited to go to Las Vegas because my friend 'Stina lives there. And if I were the sort of person who missed his friends, I'd miss her. Luckily, I am not. Actually, I was talking to 'Stina the other day and telling her that she should try and get with my friend jmf. Then I decided that Yenta was by far my least favorite character in Fiddler on the Roof; and nobody wants to be any part of that.

So I almost bought my plane tickets to Indiana today. I figure the best thing to do is buy the plane tickets and make no other arrangements, thus forcing my family to find something to do with me for a week. I'll probably rely on some of my vegas friends to take care of the Cocoa Dog. If you'd like to apply, please send your resume to my e-mail.

Last night I went to the Carson Valley Inn with some friends for some live music. Bad live music + good vodka = good night. Plus points. Hanging out with friends and watching live music get me stress points, which I need. And the shot of Vodka likely won't interfere with my virtually unlimited number of nutrition points.

In response to outside pressures, I created my own recipe for Soy-based ice cream. I take half a package of silken tofu, a cup of soymilk, lots of frozen fruit and a teaspoon of sugar and put them all in a blender. Then hit "go." Or maybe your blender says "blend" or "puree" or something. But mine says "go." Or at least it should. Anyway, it's tasty. Tomorrow I'm going to add some dark chocolate.

I had a meeting with Big Brothers, Big Sisters on Friday. They asked me for a lot of money. So I told them they had to hire my friend and former assistant, Nichole, who happens to be the aforementioned 'Stina's sister. I guess if they do that, I have to give them the money. Man, the things I'll do for friends. Especially when those things are tax-deductable.

I am not a pilot, nor will I ever be.

I'm going to start packing this week. I figure, I can take care of a lot of the ansillary stuff now and the bigger stuff can be handled later. But the more I do now, the less I have to do toward the end of the session, where I imagine I'll be pretty busy. Who knows. Anybody want to drive down in my special caravan? It'll be leaving on the 9th or the 10th. My good friend Angela is going to fly up here and drive down one of the cars. You guys will totally be out of town by then, but it'll be nice to drive down with some buds. If you're into that kind of thing.

I haven't gone to see any movies in a while. Some of my friends want to go see Spider-Man 3 next weekend. Why not? Spider-Man is an American Institution. POP CULTURE NOTE FOR FOA: Spider-Man is a comic book superhero who was created by Stan Lee and Marvel Comics in the 60s. He was bit by a radioactive spider and, instead of rendering him sterile, the bite emparted upon him super powers which he uses to fight crime and supernatural terror. A "movie," according to the princeton dictionary is "a form of entertainment that enacts a story by a sequence of images giving the illusion of continuous movement." Typically it's filmed onto a celluose strip and projected onto a screen using a very high-density light projector.

dts

Bloggary Blues

Well, here we are . . . at the sad end of an 8 week journey through a miserable failure to lose weight. Maybe I lost inches. Maybe I gained a few new friends. Bloggary, Earl, Grace, Hurl, DTS, FOA and SSN, it's been a grand ol time. Next time we should have team bowling.

One of my neighbors seems to think that the "dorms" are really the dorms so I don't think I'm sleeping much tonight.

We should get together . . . whichever three of us did not lose the greatest BMI . . . and figure out what to get the winner. SSN did a phenomenal job, although much of her progress started before the competition. Speaking of the competition, how are we looking? I guess I need to get over there and put in my points.

jmf, signing off

Fin.

This is the last day of the Nevada 110 Challenge. It sure went by quickly. Anyway, I've got a day of relaxing fitness and healthy eating planned, just to ensure this week goes well. I'm not taking next week off from the gym, but I'll probably stop going out of my way to get stress relief points.

I'll probably keep posting to this blog though. It's the only chance I really have to make up stories about pictures of people I've never met.

dts

Buying Shoes.

I just spent like $130 on shoes. The only pair of brown shoes I had were all kinds of beat up and ugly; they were holdovers from the last legislative session. I typically only have one pair of brown shoes and one pair of black shoes. Shoes would get worn out pretty quickly.

Anyway, I bought two pairs of shoes -- a pair of nice fancy brown shoes but then a pair of casual shoes. I figure I can wear out the casual shoes more quickly.

And the above two paragraphs are the most time I've ever spent typing or chatting or whatever about shoes. Because honestly, who cares about Shoes?

A friend of mine from college, who is also a friend of FOA's, is helping me find somewhere to live in Las Vegas. That is very helpful of her. Her assistant sent me a whole list of available homes, I'm about to go take a look at them.

I'm also keeping a close eye on Craigslist.

Moving is expensive.

dts

dribbling...

So, it wasn't a blood bath....but it was a heart-breaker. We Republicans lost at the buzzer by one point. The fans got there monies worth.

Frankly the quarterly breaks were BLAH...lobbyist and such doing dumb relays...blindfold etc. Not much entertainment. Did y'all see John Sande the 40th's florescent short. Wowser!

I'm going to spend the next 2 years working on my basketball fundamentals than going to come back in 2 years and run the court. Those old Dem boys are tired and weak...they could barely run up and down the court....

If I just garner some ball handling skills, it would be ON!

Fun time was had by all.

foa

Summer Vacation.

So my family (the matrilinear line) is sort of having a pseudo-family reunion at my uncle's lake house in Indiana. Ok fine -- I'm not so much a family guy, but fine, I should probably take a vacation anyway, my last one wasn't so much a vacation as it was me leaving town for a day to go to California.

I do not like California.

Anyway, more to the point, family reunion in Indianapolis. So I go out there, and my dad's side of the family is in Northern Indiana; and I haven't seen them in many years. So if I'm in the state, I feel like I should head north to spend some time with them. I'm pretty sure ymy cousin had a baby. Maybe she got married too. I don't know.

And if I'm going to be in Northern Indiana, I should really visit my friends from college who are in Kalamazoo. I haven't seen them in a long time and we've been talking about getting together and, honestly, it's only an hour away anyway.

Also, there are more family people way in the south end of the State that that I'd need to see. The sort of people for whom it would be problematic for me to set foot on indiana soil without calling them to check in.

So now, a simple trip to see my mom's family in Indiana has become a prolonged, Euripidian saga. And I've managed to complicate the whole thing so much in my mind that I don't actually have any desire to go. And, I'm sure by the end of the weekend when I look to see what this whole thing will cost me, my "not desiring to go" will change into "desiring not to go."

That's right, folks. When you get dts you're also getting two scoops of Crazy-Bran. I don't really know how I get worked up like this, but it's the primary reason I don't like to go on vacation. Because the very act of getting ready to do so is stressful enough for me so as to offset any relaxing side effects the vacation would normally have.

Further, this trip is slated for the end of July. But at the beginning of July I'll have moved to Las Vegas. So not only will I be broke from the move and various vegas-related partying; but I'll be barely moved into my house.

And who'll watch the dog? Honestly. Whose idea was this damn thing? Screw it. I'm so just staying home.

dts

I've been a democrat for a very long time...

...but man, they sure sucked it up tonight on the court. With a bench 21-deep (vs. the Republicans' 7), they managed to pull the game in only at the last minute, 73-72. All in all, the democrat lawmakers played better ball than the republican lawmakers. But Commissioner Hess... brother can ball. For the second year in a row, Mo Denis was the standout on the Dems' team. Mo Denis and Ross Miller.

I was talking to Ross's wife, who said it's all he's been talking about for the past month. Which is weird to me, because he's got some important stuff to do.

dts

uuuhhh...

This basketball jersey is sleeveless.

That somewhat immodest for me.

Hum, what to do?? I better think fast as I’m supposed to be at the gym in an hour…

FA

there's no place like home

tomorrow's Commerce and Labor and Floor session has been canceled. I'm curenlty in the 12:25 flight...but may be I'll catch the flight earlier. WOOOO HOOOO!

the big game

Tonight is the long-awaited Basketball game Republicans v. Democrats. I hear the Democrats have a bench 30 players deep and the Republican team is comprised of 6 folks....4 women and 2 men. I’m hoping for success…but mostly I’m aiming for comedy. Because we are toast!

D’s have full on jerseys…pants and warm up shirts. FULL uniforms. We have cheapy shirts. Our ringer (Dean Heller) got elected to congress and is in DC. We are in TROUBLE.

I’m 5’2…..er….according to Nevada Challenge I’m 5’1 ¾ and haven’t played basketball since high school P.E.

Just hope we curb the blood bath.

D Day

THE BEST OF LUCK DTS!

I got growled at by Assemblyman Anderson today. Literally. You know, growl, like what dogs do when they are warning you that you are coming too close . . . yeah, that kind of growl. I'm not sure if that's a badge of honor, such that I'm now in the fraternity of lobbyists who can get growled at, or if it was more of backing over me with the bus one more time for good measure.

I'm not entirely sure where I got the hurl language from, but since I named my fish Hurl, I'm assuming it came from me. The actual language makes it a misdemeanor to throw a deadly missile. Shoot, the worst we could get is 6 months in the pokey or a $1000 fine. We should be the really expensive wall graffiti sprayers next session!

jmf

Let's hurl missles like we're in the bush administration.

I kicked out of the building early so as to hit the gym. So I'm making this little blogggggggery post to give a shout out to all my hurling a missile peeps. The finish line is coming up. We still haven't decided what the internal prize is for FOA's internal challenge. We should do that.

Today was good.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is D-day. Wish me luck.

No entries?

What's up with that? Are we letting a little thing like overwhelming work responsibilities get in the way of blogging? Hurl says hi

weekend of points...

had a nice weekend...too short. Got lots of point in LV. Went hiking in Red Rock on Saturday...it was great fun. Hiked Ice Box canyon...which is supposed to have a waterfall this time of year. No waterfall, not enough precipitation this year. Also went to the park for basketball instruction on Sunday. I'm not good and apparently I double dribble a lot. Since I just learned the fundaments on Sunday....don't expect much when I play in the R v. D basketball game on Thursday. I plan to use my feet a lot since soccer is my game.

Also had a family dinner Sunday night here in Reno with a good childhood friend's family. Tons of children and babies...so points for that too. Played cards with grandma on Saturday PM (yeah, it was a happening Saturday), she won. Old people are lucky.

F. Allen

Movie Review

I forgot to mention last week that I went to the movies with my girlfriend . . . well, my "friend girl" as I called her since it was pretty clearly on the way down in flames shortly thereafter . . . anyway, I went to the movies with "her" last weekend and saw Grindhouse. Did I already mention this? Anyway, if I didn't, I was hugely disappointed. I mean, I'm a Tarantino fan and all, but I was expecting something more like Kill Bill, but I got more like From Dusk Til Dawn. This is sounding familiar so I'm assuming I wrote this already. I was only using it as an excuse anyway to review Weekend at Buddy's. I give it 2 snaps, the kickworm, and a full windmill breakdance! (Guess you had to have watched In Living Color before . . . 2 snaps with anything is like 2 thumbs up)

Swope Middle School . . . ahhh . . . a Swope Alumnus. I remember the shakey handed, coffee dependent, well intended counselor named Ms. Rodowski at Swope. I used to work there. I think it was the year 1994-95. Could DTS have been a former student of mine? I doubt it. In fact, I know he wasn't, since I only got the knuckle head kids that got kicked out of class. I wasn't given any budget or resources so I took them out to shoot baskets on the basketball court and to talk about their problems while they shot freethrows like Shaq. I remember one of them being in the news for having shot someone a couple years later. A shame.

I had to take my dog Koko, spelled Koko, unlike dts' dog, to the vet this weekend. I got home and right away noticed my dog favoring her left front paw. Good parents notice things like that I guess. My first thought was to grill mom about what happened to my dog over the past two weeks that left her limping. I didn't, but I did ask her. She said Koko hadn't been that way until just then. Yeah right. She was great for 2 weeks and just happened to start limping right when I drove up. Anyway, I gave it a day and took her to the vet when it was noticeably worse the next day. A couple hundred dollars later, I didn't know much more. There's apprently some kind of weird thing on her doggy pinky toe. Not that pointless digit away from the others, but the pinky one. She got some meds and an order for R&R until she finished her pills. Then another x-ray in a month to see if the weird thing grows. If it does, Koko loses her pinky toe. She's a nearly 11 year old Akita so complications are bound to happen. She's incredibly lively and puppy-like still so I don't think of her as 77 years old in dog years. Hopefully she'll be fine.

Well have a great final week fellow Hurlers! Let's kick booty this week!

jmf

Great weekend.

Here are some things about me:

So there's a 5k in Reno next month and I think I'm going to go to run it. I've been running a lot at the gym, and I believe it is keeping me healthy. I'm down to a hefty 202 pounds. I haven't lost nearly as much weight as ssn, who I reckon is going to make fools of us all in this competition.

I'm tired of my Treo and am considering a blackberry. Or the Apple iPhone. Or maybe a can with a string. Or maybe I'll just start shouting. Verizon has this "new every two" program, and despite being with them for three years, I've never qualified. Turns out the two year counter resets when you upgrade your plan.

I think Cocoa may have some kind of parasite in her stomach, as she seems to be losing weight even though I've not changed her exercise or food. So far I've decided to hope she's OK, because I don't have the time to drive her to her vet, who lives in Gardnerville.

A friend of mine just bought a blackberry accidentally on eBay. This isn't so bad. In 2003, she accidentally bought two laptops. Yeah, I don't know. She bid on them seperately, because she really wanted a laptop, but then she won both auctions. I ended up buying one from her.

The last two times I've called my mom, she's said "hey, can I call you back later" and has not called me back. I wonder if she's stopped loving me? I hope she has not. I like my mom. She lives in Vegas and when she comes to visit me, she only stays one night. Last time she came by was in January, and she visited for 29 hours only. It's perfect.

I'm going to go to bed soon. I use the same beat up mattress I used in college. It's pretty sweet. I once went bed shopping with my friend Ethan, who spent $1,700 on a super-fancy mattress and box spring. I'm not sure why a fancy box spring is important. He just kept them on the floor.

On second thought, I can't go to bed that soon because I last ate at 8:45, so I have to go to bed at 10:45. Points are important for the winning, which we're totally gonna do.

dts

Weekend at Buddy's

Often, when Buddy is just sitting there, vacantly staring at the screen, one looks at him and wonders: "How does a dog like that just sit there and watch TV." Really, though, Buddy's not watching the TV -- and he hates it when people coo over him for doing so. Instead, he's lost in thought. His thoughts, though, aren't necesarrily that complex -- he is, after all, a dog and has no opposable thumbs.

Mostly, Buddy's thoughts are variations on the three following questions:

1. Where is my food/water/owner? These things are very important to him. These are the easiest questions for Buddy to answer, but just in case you need a cheat sheet, the answers are: by the breakfast bar/by the breakfast bar/drunk at the Globe.
2. Where my bitches at? But don't critcize Buddy for being so pejorative, though, because people still call female dogs "bitches," and he can too, because he, himself, is a dog. This is a major debate being carried out by canine lexicographers and sociologists; but Buddy is old and it's unlikley that he'll change in his ways. Instead, you should criticize him for his poor grammar in asking that question.
3. What would happen if I killed everyone in the room and ate them, even their bones? Sure, you may think when he with his back to you and barks it means "why aren't you petting me?" but, really, you couldn't be further from the truth. It really means "what if I killed you and ate your bones." Yeah. Well, that's Buddy for you -- always with the misdirection.

So anyway, FOA left her apartment last Friday morning and didn't have a chance to run home and say goodbye to her dog. Everybody was busy, especially people who sit on Commerce and Labor -- and she was going to miss her plane.

Buddy typically doesn't mind this. In fact, in the thirteen years since he's been a pet (before that he was a mercenary in Colombia, but that's a story for another day), he's actually only spent about twelve minutes of quality time with his owner. He gets it. But on this day, history will recall, Buddy... well, he needed a pal.

FOA left for the airport, and Buddy immediately began to hatch his scheme. He was tired of always wondering after his food/water/owner. His owner should bring him food and water on a plate! He was tired, always wondering about the location of bitches -- they should flock to him without regard to their loved ones or significant others. And, most importantly, he should be able to have the sweet, salty taste of human flesh whenever he wants.

Yes, the world was going to pay for ever wronging Buddy Oh. And it was going to start paying tonight.

FOA's friend LL -- a local government lobbyist and generally pleasant person -- had agreed to look after Buddy while he's gone. Little did she know, walking up to the townhouse door, is that Buddy was inside, scheming and plotting for his eventual takeover of the world.

LL opens the door. It's quiet. Not eerie quiet or TV quiet, but just sort of quiet. She heard buddy furiously scratching somewhere upstairs. She calls his name -- no answer. She climbs the stairs and, maybe it's the blueprints for giant death lasers or the leatherbound copy of "The Dogunist Manifesto" laying open, but she sensed something was wrong. Very wrong. Sure, she could ignore the tanks parked up and down the street -- but this stuff was all too strange.

The lesson LL learned that night, but would never get to put to use, was that one ought never ineterrupt a dog while he's laying the best and most intricate of plans for global domination. Buddy, furiously scribbling out (which is tough, for a dog, to do with a pen in his mouth) the plans for a giant base inside of a hollowed-out mountain, didn't hear that LL was in the house.

But he did feel her hand on his back, when she knealt down to pet him.

So he killed her. Quickly, he spun around and started barking at her. "It's OK, Buddy, it's just me -- wanna go for a walk," she didn't have time to ask before he lunged at her neck, teeth exposed. That was the last anyone would ever hear of LL.

Almost immediately, Buddy was overcome with remorse. Here he had just gone and killed one of his owner's closest friends. He would have cried, if it had any social significance at the moment, but it did not. Now was not the time for critical introspection. Now was instead the time to clean up a horrible, horrible mess.

So he set to cleaning, wiping his various plans and blueprints away. He pulled up the carpet with his teeth, and replaced it with a roll of carpet he had found in one of the 600 cabinets in the garage. "How can a dog lay carpet tacks and whatnot, especially when he only weighs 19 pounds," you may ask. But dammit, he found a way and screw you for questioning it because just three paragraphs ago I was talking about a dog drawing up blueprints for a death laser and you didn't ask a damn thing!

While he was laying the new carpet, he cut himself ever-so-slightly, one of those sort cuts that doesn't really hurt but bleeds kind of a lot, and tracked a little blood on the floor. He didn't really notice, being caught up with all the craziness of the evening.

He realized his owner may miss LL -- and, while Congress placed a moratorium on cloning humans, he wanted to find a solution. With a little white out and a quick course in cybernetics and robotics, Buddy realized it actually would not be that tough to build a robot that looked and acted exactly like her.

Unfortunately, it required him to scrap the plans for his laser and was so expensive he had to sell all of his tanks. But ultimately, pleasing the master is more important to a dog than world domination.

dts

Goldylocks....

wow, Biz Markie....I completely forgot about him...or them...whatever. That was circa middle school for me...I was a Darryl C. Swope Panther. Those were the good old days.

Sitting in Commerce and Labor now...it's dragging on and on...something to do with fire hydrants...or other stuff...but the Chairman, John O of course is focusing on the hydrants. Boring.

Floor was interesting. Lots of voting...some yeas and some nays. Had a caucus meeting after the floor, which was basically a bitch session where people just complained and complained about the D's. It's hard to endure.

Sierra Club people now testifying in C & L.

Sometimes I just don't feel like I belong anywhere.

Mack Daddy

Ahh, the story of my life. From afar, it appears that I'm mackin' like there's no tomorrow. But up close, I'm talking about some nonsense that is likely to land me in the "like a brother" category. Somehow the conversation turned to women with mustaches. Don't ask.

In the words of Biz Markie, "YOUUuuuuu, got whut I NEEEEEeeeeeed . . . but you say he's just a friend, but you say he's just a friend, OH BABY YOUUUUuuuuuu . . . . . " That didn't really apply but I felt like singin it.

FOA had a great appearance on the teli this morning. I woke up to that just before realizing I was supposed to be playin bball with the fellas this morning. I think that's big points! Made it out for a few games. Did I mention I don't know how to play basketball? Yes, brother . . . let me correct myself . . . a brutha . . . who doesn't really know how to hoop. One from Compton nonetheless! I faked it well enough that people thought I was just out of shape. I AM just out of shape, but even in shape I'm not much to watch on the basketball court. A good workout though!

Blood on the floor . . . sounds like the beginnings of the best dts story yet . . . ( (whispering) kill kill kill kill kill kill . . . ah ah ah ah ah ah ah)

jmf

I could be wrong...

I'm not sure enough people in Politics ever acknowledge that he or she could be wrong. So, frankly, I should get props for this post from the starting gate.

Anyway, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that from where I'm sitting, I'm watching team member JMF flirt with a woman. He's actually getting his mack on at about 85% efficiency, but I think the young lady he's with is sorta taken -- which really takes down his odds. But, I'm always one to back a team member over a guy I've never met, so go JMF. Hit that.

In other news, FA's post re: Buddy Oh has inspired me to write the story of what actually happened that evening. But first I've got to write a prospectus to a potential new client. Money is awesome!

dts

Carson City flooring

So when I got home Monday AM in barely enough time to change cloths and show up for the floor there was a large number of small blood specks all over the tile and hardwood floors in my Carson City house. All over the place....blood prints.

I did a thorough inspection of good ol Buddy Oh Allen (yes he has my middle and last name) and nada. No blood. His paws had some crusty mud and dirt on 'em but no blood. I gave his feet a bath and they passed inspection. Very odd.

May be he killed something and tracked the blood inside with his paws. Yo no se. It is a puzzlement.

This weekend

. . . I stayed in town. For some reason, I keep telling myself that the back and forth thing is tiring and that I'm better off sometimes just staying in town, and then I stay and realize that I'll be bored out of my friggin mind . . . that I miss my doggies . . . and my bed. I did go to the movies this past weekend and saw Grindhouse. Classic Quentin if you like his "From Dusk Til Dawn" type movies. Went up to the Lake for lunch. Wandered around my old hideouts in Reno. Went shopping. Got 4 days at the gym in.

We've all been busy but the Ticks and Mosers of the world are trying to bare down. I think they are cheating! GO MISSILE HURLERS!

jmf

Backstories.

Ok kids. So I'm having some fun with the backstory thing. I think we should all write each other's backstories -- what do you think? Tell me in the comments.

dts

nice weekend

It was too short. had a lovely time home in warmer (but not warm) Las Vegas....

Went to Marilyn K.'s house on Saturday night for her daughter's 16th birthday party. Brought lucky bamboo as the sweet sixteen birthday gift. There was a DJ and virgin pina coladas and virgn strawberry daiquiris. It was a good time hanging with the Kirkpatricks....I hoola-hooped for the first time in 20 years. I still got it!

Went out to Bonnie Springs (behind red rock) on Sunday...it was nice....real cool out there. f.o. allen

This just perpetuates the stereotype that all yokels are hicks.

I could sure use another day on the weekend. Hook me up with an extra weekend day or so.

battery is low
intern taking up plug space
playing poker games


That's my Assembly Commerce and Labor haiku for the day.

ssn

Team Moser

In my discussions with Hurl regarding our health challenge, he taught me that in his former life in the Japenese ponds of yesteryear, Mosers were a group of American fish that used to visit the Japanese ponds as tourists fish. They found a way to get there thru various underground rivers that avoided the salt of the ocean. These Mosers didn't need light in the dark underground rivers because they were genetically born with a glowing member designed to freeze their prey like deers in headlights so that they could devour them before they knew what was happening. As the Mosers evolved, they used this glowing member not only to hunt, but also to shine lights on the beautiful scenery that they encountered in their travels. These were quiet, but smart fish, these Mosers, and figured out a way to create sea cameras out of material in the underground rivers that us humans have never seen. They first found disposable cameras lost by human tourists who would view sharks in those cages that get lowered into the ocean, and they would drop their cameras and pee their pants when the sharks slammed onto the cage (well, not their pants, but their wet suits, which everybody does, but not in shark cages since it attracks sharks, those sick bastards). The Mosers duplicated these water proof disposable cameras and started taking photographs of their adventures. Now you know about Moser fish. Hurl suggested that maybe Team Moser was somehow related to photography, which everybody knows is the Fishian word for "photographer". He said that maybe I should talk with folks in the press field here. I did, and low and behold, Team Moser consists of a photographer with the press here in the building, and her mother.

jmf

Do the hustle . . .

I'm singing that song and doing the dance . . . I get points for both of those. Didn't work out today but taking care of it in the morning . . . vitamins, water, no live music today though. TOO TIRED FOR IT TO BARELY BE BEYOND HALFWAY.

JMF

Everybody Loves Hurlmond

waLooking at Hurl sitting there in the bowl, one would never know about his close brush with stardom. This is partly because fish, even with their big, glassy, soulful eyes, cannot talk. Also, many of them look alike, so without any sort of scar tissue or navel piercing, Hurl just looks like any other fish.

Hurl was almost the star of Everybody Loves Hurlmond, a FOX-network takeoff on the hit comedy Everybody Loves Raymond. The FOX studio execs pitched the show to advertisers as "You know, like Ray Romano's old show... but with fish." Sure, to the uncriticalmind like yours or mine, this may seem like a lame, derivative knockoff of another show that, frankly, while popular wasn't actually any good. But what you're missing is this: lame, derivative knockoffs are the lifeblood of the television industry.

So when Hurlmond was cancelled before the pilot even finished shooting, critics were shocked -- SHOCKED -- to learn that it had nothing to do with the program or its potential ratings. Instead, it's because Hurl and his agent reached a stalemate with the studio in the negotiation process. Hurl was looking for $980,000 per episode for the first season, with the option to renew for two more at $1.5M per episode, along with a studio car and driver on the weekends. Because Fish can't drive. Because, aside from the obvious reasons, fish do not have legs.

What happened next was shocking. Hurl was auctioned off at a joint FOX News/Republican National Committee fundraiser to former White House Chief of Staff Don Regan. Regan gave hurl, in a little glass dish, to his housekeeper Lorinda, who he had never bothered to have verified with INS. One day, Lorinda missed some dust on one of the Regan family chandeliers. The next day, Don had her deported.

Hurl was taken to the local Wal-Mart, because Don's wife figured that's where Hispanic people got everything. The Wal-Mart customer service rep, a 54-year-old woman with three teeth, nine kids and no health insurance, put him in a small plastic cup and put him no the shelf. She never knew how famous this special little guy could have been.

For weeks, Hurl sat, pining for his life that could have been -- the money, the fishes, the fame -- and he sort of spiraled into a deep depression. In 2007, leading psychiatric authorities have started calling such rapid declines in social standing -- from potential millionaire to a shelf at Wal-Mart -- and the resulting depression as "Kevin Federline Syndrome." There is no known cure.

But Hurl, always a fighter -- because he's a fighting fish -- pressed forward. He saw his friends come and go. He saw other male fish and got very, very angry at them and wanted to fight them. This had nothing to do with his Kevin-Federline Syndrome and instead that he is a fish that is bred to violently ravage other fish. But he doesn't know that, because he is a fish and does not really know much of anything.

One day in March, sitting on the shelf in the middle of a 27-hour staring contest with his own reflection, he heard a noise. And then a kid started crying. It seems like the little paper lid on the top of one of his neighbor's condos was knocked off by the night crew, and the neighbor, wrought with his own depression, leapt heroically from his cup and landed on a dirty wal-mart floor. At this point, a kid with one of those annoying "Shopper in training" carts ran him over, slipped on the resulting fish-goo on the floor and cracked her elbow on the floor.

This whole ordeal granted Hurl a new perspective. Shocked from his malaise, Hurl started trying to date again -- sure, these weren't celebrity babe-fish, but they were sort of cute in that hometown-y kind of way. He found religion. He then decided religion wasn't for him and found MTV. And amidst all these personal discoveries, Hurl was transferred to the Wal-Mart in Carson City.

And then he was depressed again. Who wouldn't be?

Hurly

He's so cute! I think dts knows the story on his background... Don't these type of fish eat each other? What about his cousin who commited sucuide a few years ago?? There's got to be a good story in there somewhere.

Ladies and gentleman, meet Hurl

As you can see, Hurl is da man! He got mad at me for not taking multiple pictures of him so he could pick the best one, but I told him the lighting wasn't good either way and I had some more important things to take care of.

JMF

Hat trick.

I did it. This week, I scored 150 points in each category for a total of 450! I'm pretty excited about it.

dts

Ok, so was that a "yes"?

That's the greatest response I've heard yet to a long, drawn out, lobbyist answer! I wonder if Assembly Commerce and Labor is always this spicy. I just walked in to relieve Sabra and I don't get the impression its generally spicy throughout. I hope I don't have to testify. Actually, I can't. I have no idea what to say. I know piece meal information about positions on this agenda.

WOW. That guy who just testified has a super big lucky stars dangling earring on! Isn't there a dress code around this place? My ear pierce closed up years ago when I matured and apparently got less liberal, but that dude had me beat even when I was a youngun!

JMF

Little Bunny Foo Foo . . .

Happy Easter to you all too! Went to church today . . .was a good boy. Finally went and bought Hurl. He's funny, and really smart. He was talking with me about how unhappy most of the employees at Wal-Mart are (that's where I adopted him from). He told me that the retired folks there are happy, even though most of them are senile or just flat out retarded. He apologized for there being a lack of black hair care products when I was walking the aisles with him. His exact words were, "Dude, it's Carson City. What did you expect??"

Have a great week!!!

JMF

What a day.

Happy Easter everybody.

I don't actually celebrate Easter; mostly I just complain about how the gym closes early or the mall isn't open. This year, I'm celebrating the resurrection of our lord and savior by... not eating candy! WOOOO! I haven't had any candy in weeks -- but it's ok, we're all making sacrifices. As a result of our collective discipline, we're in second place to a bunch 0f 80-year-old women. It's time to break out the big guns.

This weekend, Cocoa got to go to the dog park for the second time in a weekend, and she got a five-mile walk in, and a two-mile jog, more or less all for points. And I'm eating all kinds of great healthy food with protein and fiber.

Yesterday I even ate five meals instead of three. You've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Anyway, today is working out to be... sort of unique. I may need to forfeit all of my "skipping alcohol" points for the week in just one evening. I'll let you know how it goes.

dts

and so it goes...

In Commerce and Labor again. It feels like my butt is glued to this specific chair...i betcha the stuffing in this chair is gonna go flat soon.

Glad to be going home to sunny skies. Its Easter weekend…so I’m going to hunt the town for a nice pastel yellow LEMON BAR….I deserve it!

f. allen

Moving to Las Vegas

My boss and I agreed to come to a decision on whether I'm moving to Vegas sometime by the end of next week. That's... I don't know... a week away. There's some office space we could have pretty easily down there over at the 215 and Eastern.

But if I moved down there, I'd like to live on the west side of town. Which is not really near the 215 and Eastern.

I guess my hesitation is this: for a long time, I've sort of worked from home at my own pace. And, while the office space we used would be in a larger law office, and I'd get to share a secretary with some of the partners, I'm just not sure I want to work in an office again. I'm not sure I want to drive in to the office every morning.

I think my problem with working from an office is similar to the reason I won't buy a house: I just don't want to commit to being somewhere that long. OOh... psychoanalysis.

dts

still...

I’m still in Commerce and Labor Subcomittee, at least we are on the last of 3 bills…but it’s the most contentious…

I’m exhausted….

A whole lot of nothing to say.

Why hasn't SSN posted her points for the last two weeks?
Somebody please make this happen.

dts

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

still in Commerce. ernie adler with the IBEW trying to screw Nevada Power in retaliation for past labor disputes.

on and on....and on

commerce and labor will never end. someone said that one could possible get a blood clot from sitting in a chair and not moving for a prolonged time. it's been almost 4 hours for me so far this afternoon in c&l. earlier, it was 4 hours in Judiciary. I'm a prime candidate for the clots.

wanna go to the gym tonight, but I'm tired. MK will probably drag me.

....when will commerce ever end?? ....it's almost 5pm and we have 3 more bills to hear...

Not sure I know everyone well enough to vacation with them.

And fairly certain nobody knows me well enough for this to be OK. I'm not sayin' -- I'm just sayin'.

Today was the hearing for Senate Bill 538 -- a bill from the AG's office that would create this idea of an "unconscionable trade practice". Essentially, it requires the Government to think for people -- seriously, it actually prohibits "providers of goods and services" from "charging a price they know to be significantly in excess of what is charged for comparable goods and services." It also would stop a salesperson from intentionally selling something to somebody that they know they wouldn't reasonably be able to pay for.

Like one of my c-stores would say "I'm not sure you can really afford that snickers, Ms. Johnston. I'm afraid I can't sell it to you."

Anyway, it's possibly the worst bill (Well... maybe the 2nd worst if you've seen AB240) I've seen all session. Like veto-worthy bad, if somehow the legislators were silly enough to pass it.

The bill, sponsored by Senate C&L, raised the ire of a lot of my lobbyist bretheren. And you could see while the Deputy AG was there presenting the bill, there was a pen of lobbyists in the corner -- the power-brokery type ones who are more or less the vanguard of the status quo -- and me.

Chairman started the hearing on the bill and WENT OFF on the bill, really saying that only one section (on mortgage practices) was even remotely acceptable. He said everything we in the lobby group had been thinking. Then, when asking for public comment or testimony or whatever, he shot us all the look of death. Then he showed off when nobody who came up, and said "yeah, good, because I would've cut your throat."

I mean, I'm glad the bill's dead, but how do we take credit for killing a bill if the Chairman does it without us even asking? How will we continue to charge our clients unreasonable rates if we can't take credit for this stuff? C'mon, man, throw a lobbyist a bone!

dts

Missing Assembly Judiciary . . .

. . . that was going to be my into originally. Then I thought about it and realized although its been a while since I sat thru Assemby Judiciary, I don't miss it. Who can miss being that stressed out? I get stressed out in Assembly Judiciary. I mean, I like the issues. I'm a criminal lawyer. Well, I'm a lawyer who deals with criminal matters. I mean, I'm a LEGAL lawyer who represents people who have criminal issues. Criminal lawyer just makes it sound worse than it is already perceived. Anyway, I like criminal law. But I really get stressed out in Assembly Judiciary. Am I going to get yelled at? Is a surprise witness going to show up who I just should have known to contact? Is the chair just not gonna be in the mood to deal with my concern? Is someone going to make my point before I do, but not all that eloquently, so that I feel the irrestible urge to restate (and get yelled at)? Are key people about to get up and mysteriously have to use the bathroom, or return a call, or go for a walk, when it's time for me to raise MY issue? Am I going to be called out by the person who speaks before me unexpectedly? Am I going to be called out by the chair when I wasn't planning on speaking? Am I going to be called up to testify at the same time as Joe Turco or Mrs. Hansen so that I have to just sit there while they go? Maybe these are the things Earl contemplates on a daily basis. I'm telling you . . . Earl needs a vacation. He stresses me out too! I'm just a big ol stress case! On top of that, the Plaza was rumored to be on fire at lunch. Turns out it was some other building though.

Worked out this morning . . . cardio, weights with legs. Vitamins. Water. Pedometer. Protein for breakfast. Played guitar last night. Well, I tried anyway. Still gotta go get Hurl. In the words of LL Cool J, "Don't call it a come back, I've been here for years!"

JMF

I'm dragging today.

Thinking this place sucks.

Not looking forward to the subcomittee that I was put on (cuz i left the room) in Commerce and Labor. We are supposed met tomorrow at 7 freak'in PM. No rest for the weary.

Pink pants day.

Man, I wish I could work for the ACLU.

dts

The skinny on Grace.

If you were to ask one of her friends they'd say "Grace... well, where do I even start with Grace?" Grace is the kind of girl who started doing yoga in college because she thought frat guys thought she was kind of Asian looking, and she wanted to play into the mystique. In fact, however, Grace actually knows very little about her east Asian heritage, as is demonstrated by her embracing yoga -- a practice whose roots aren't east Asian at all.

Grace, well, she's made some mistakes in her life -- but who hasn't? She's still young, but has already been married and divorced. She doesn't really like to talk about it -- not because she's embarrassed or because it was particularly painful, though. Instead, Grace won't talk about her brief marriage and divorce because she doesn't really feel anything about it at all, and typically that makes the conversation awkward around her friends.

Though, when drunk enough, she will refer to her ex-husband, Blake, as "the worst lay I've ever had." And coming from Grace, you know, that means a lot.

Grace can pack away a few appletinis before she gets a buzz, though, and normally plays her cards pretty close to her chest.

Grace works in advertising, and she's good at her job. In fact, she was part of the team that designed FedEx's latest print ad campaign for the Southwest region. The campaign won a few trade association awards for its innovative use of the slogan: "FedEx -- we deliver packages." Later, Grace would admit this was among the worst slogans she'd ever come up with but, really, they thought consumers had forgotten what FedEx did.

Since the advertising community only rarely rewards creativity, nobody actually noticed the blandness of the slogan. Instead, it was mistaken for genius. But this isn't the place for social commentary, this space is reserved for Grace.

Every Thursday night, Grace meets up with some of her girls at a weekly stitch-and-bitch. Yes, this is something that actually happens. She has been working on the same scarf for the past six weeks and, while scarves aren't particularly tough to knit and the other women have moved on to larger projects, she's not particularly attached to the knitting itself. Instead, she goes because she feels like she's supposed to hang out with other young Women and couldn't figure out how to find them. Usually she refers to it as "the one night a week I don't get hit on by some sweaty old man who's had one too many beers."

Grace never talks to her ex husband anymore and hasn't really looked back. Right now she's dating a guy, Ethan, who is an attorney. Ethan... doesn't really like Grace but she seems to understand that he's really busy and doesn't often have time for her, and he likes that. Grace isn't all that into Ethan, either, because she doesn't get too attached to the myriad men who go through the revolving door of her life. But, he does buy her dinner and gifts and the like, and, well, she does like that. After all, who doesn't like a good time?

dts

Earl & Grace

. . . ahhh, I like the sound of that. Isn't that a tv show? Wait, that's Will . . . and he doesn't like girls. Earl though . . . he loves the ladies. Don't get me wrong. Earl is faithful. But oh does he love the ladies! Grace on the other hand . . . she has the shell of a quiet, shy meditation guru. But on the inside, Grace is a party waitin to happen! I think DTS knows more about Grace. I'll let him share. Uncle Jimbo and Aunt Sadie though? Who are they tryin to fool joggin through the forest? We all know Uncle Jimbo can't run 30 yards without hackin up a lung. Aunt Sadie is complaining about her back hurtin, like she always does. Good for them though. Either they picked up a healthy lifestyle, or they are running home because they forgot that their crack dependent child, cousin Jethro, was at home when they went on a shroom induced walk through Floyd Lamb State Park. We all know you can't leave Jethro home alone!!! He lost his eyebrows the last time he was left alone, which was why he didn't come to the photo shoot for Healthy Nevada. So what if he's 35. Jethro has needs, and they SHOULD be running back before he loses more important things. That helmet won't protect him from everything ya know! The chin strap is loose so that he brain can breathe.

SO . . . I decided to give up beer . . . I think. For the next 4 weeks anyway. I might try to do my usual Captain & Diet here and there. And I'm going to buy a beta fish to commiserate with. Worked out today too. Did 30 minutes of cardio on the bike, and then weights . . . chest and biceps. Oh, and abs. And I had protein for breakfast. And I snacked with a Balance Bar. Vitamins. Calcium. Listened to music. Danced. Sang. Water. Starting the week off right!

I was grouped with Dr. Evil and we were called the Dynamic Duo today. NOT happy about that.

It's 6:00 and I am still in Senate Human Resources & Education.

There is a Hansen walk . . . I think I have mastered it although I won't do it in public.

JMF

girls, girls, girls

Don't know if you've noticed the 40 or so girl scouts in the building from Las Vegas, but they are here. Half of them are staying with me at in my small 3 bedroom condo...20 girls and 2 chaperones. It's sleeping bag city.

Buddy is jumping off the walls, there are kids to play with. All the girls have been real good, cleaning up after themselves.

The thing about Earl...

I feel like Earl has a backstory. Maybe he's a mid-level executive, working his way to the top, and somebody just told him that he had to have some presentation ready for the Board of Directors in... I dunno, let's say Mumbai, India, by Thursday. He's trying to figure out whether to use FedEx or UPS to deliver the stuff.

He may have received moderately bad news. Something worse than "they screwed up your sandwich at lunch" but not so bad as "your wife was just caught screwing the pool boy." Maybe something along the lines of "Your son Albert was caught with an issue of Playboy in his locker."

And he's sort of chuckling to himself, like "well, I wasn't really sure Albert liked girls, so I guess that's good... but man, this is kind of embarrassing for me." It's not that Earl dislikes homosexual people-- in fact he's totally ok with it -- he just wasn't prepared for it as a father and is relieved to not have that on his plate while in the middle of the Mumbai deal. Obviously, he'd love his son just the same, but being a good parent is a struggle.

Clearly, though, he's upset that his son doesn't know that school is not the place for Playboy. Most dads probably wouldn't be actually that genuinely upset about their kid having a magazine that objectifies women. Earl, he never really bought that anyway. But he's kind of disappointed in himself for not teaching his son that school is not the place for softcore porn magazines.

But even with all that going on, Earl's pulling down somewhere in the mid-nineties and he's got a pretty good life. He spent the previous weekend fixing up his buddy's old car, maybe. His wife, Jessica, is working on her PhD in literature after taking some time off from her career to raise the Albert. She was a freelance reporter for a while and recently had an in-depth piece published in Vanity Fair and they were planning on using the extra money to have some solar panels put up on their roof, but the HOA said they weren't allowed to have black solar panels and the tan-colored ones barely work.

Instead they'll probably put the money into their IRA to get a leg-up on retirement. Earl hopes to retire by the time he's fifty-eight, not too early because he can't stand the idea of just puttering around the house for thirty years. Jessica never saw herself retiring, really, ever and will probably start writing a book when the time comes.

Anyway, that's the story of Earl, Albert and Jessica.

dts

Grace

What about the mediating Asian women on the 'Nevada Challenge' home page?

Did you realize there are 2 categories from which you can earn points for concentrating hard: mediation and ‘progressive relaxation'...which is actually....uh, mediation. So, I think I might give it a try.

Don't think, hey....Francis is Asian...she must know what it's all about...

Don't know a darn thing about yoga, pilates...or mediating.

But...i'll do some research...and report back.

Confessions . . .

As I log in to record my points, I'm faced with that random black guy on the homepage to this whole health competition. Who is that guy? And what is he thinking about so intensely? I will call him Earl. Earl, why are you thinking so hard all the time? Nothing can possibly be that important. Afterall, we are supposed to be reducing stress. Earl, you look stressed out, and it's stressing me out man! I feel guilty enough that I pretty much fell off the healthy wagon this past week and we are now in second place. I know Earl . . . I already know that not everybody has input their points. I KNOW MAN! But still. . . its the principle. Not only have I let my team down this past week, but I've also suffered a setback in our inside competition. I have REALLY got to rebound this week. So, Earl, I'm gonna hit the gym 5 times this week. I'm going to eat protein for breakfast everyday. I'd like to avoid beer all week, but that's not realistic. I don't even love beer all that much, but there's that other competition at Red's for reaching 101 beers before the end of the session. I can get 2 for 1 card punches on Tuesdays so that will help. I confess falling off the wagon Earl, but expect a rebound this week buddy ol pal.

Speaking of Buddy, I don't have my doggies up here 5 times a week but I found a way to deal with that. I'm going to go get a Beta Fish tomorrow from Wal-Mart. Well, maybe PetsMart or something. Wal-Mart and I aren't getting along so well up here. Anyway, I checked, and fish count! Its in one of the example links for pet commisseration. I'm gonna get a Beta Fish and I'm gonna name him Hurl. Don't worry Earl, I won't confuse you two. Hurl is just a silly fish I can stare at when I need a break from my laptop screen. Earl is the intense black man on the homepage. Easily distinguishable Hurl . . . I mean, Earl.

JMF